Speaker:Polly Young-Eisendrath, Ph.D.,
Historically, people in committed relationships have felt shame about separating. Now,
they feel ashamed when they stay and their demands for equality are not met. Many of
us expect fairness and reciprocity, whether or not we know anything about negotiation.
We expect to be seen and known and to speak freely and authentically. These
expectations create anxiety and confusion for intimate partners and other adult pairs
(e.g. adult child and parent), contributing to cycles of humiliation, rage and blame. One
painful outcome is an epidemic level of estrangement among families and individuals.