Helping Children in a Climate of Violence and Unpredictability

by Kerry Kelly Novick

Parents everywhere care deeply about protecting children from danger and distress. Today, we cannot ignore the knowledge gathered over the last century by psychoanalysts and other researchers that witnessing violence — in the media, in the community, or in the home — is likely to have a traumatic effect on children of all ages. And particularly now, in the early months of 2026, we see that children and teenagers in the US are faced with daily experiences of violent encounters in the streets, in schools and daycares, at religious centers, and places of business. Everyone, everywhere, who works with children can see the impact of intense uncertainty, fear, and confusion.

Children don’t always say directly what they are frightened of; they often express their worries through their actions instead. Those actions may be hard to interpret, with the risk that the child’s cry for help goes unheard.

Children exposed to violence may:

have trouble getting to or staying asleep, or have nightmares
complain of tummyaches or headaches without any apparent medical cause
be aggressive to siblings or peers, or have unexpected outbursts of anger or upset
get restless with inappropriate activity levels
seem tense or watchful or anxious
lose interest in things that used to be fun or show little feeling about anything
struggle to concentrate at school and at home
go back to earlier, more babyish behaviors

These are all behaviors that can annoy or frustrate parents and lead grown-ups to scold or turn away. But if we don’t respond and help, children can suffer long-term harm in many important aspects of their development. Research and clinical experience have shown that children exposed to violence usually don’t recover quickly.

Without proper support, they may have trouble learning, lose their curiosity, and their wish to try new things. They may develop symptoms of PTSD and struggle with adjustment in young adulthood. They may lose trust in close relationships, seeing other people as threats instead of resources, and the world as dangerous instead of a place of opportunity.

Children take their cues about reality from grown-ups’ responses. When adults stay calm, focused and emotionally available, children can relax and feel more secure. So we also have to think about what parents, teachers, and others need to sustain themselves as critical resources.

As we noted at the beginning, it is deeply important to parents to protect their children. A central source of comfort, then, is the feeling that you have done your best to secure your children’s safety. It turns out that parents’ and children’s needs are not that different. We all need a degree of predictability in our lives. When times are uncertain, when there is much we cannot control, the risk is dissolving into helplessness and despair – that is scary for us and scary for children. Let’s reach for what we CAN do, both inside and outside the house, to support parents and children alike.

What can we do to support children’s strengths and build their emotional muscles for resilience in the face of adversity?

At home

Inside the house, create routines for different parts of the day. Children can grow from being part of getting things ready for the next day, knowing the sequence of leaving the house for school, helping with household tasks – they need to feel effective as much as we do. Routines make for predictability, which enhances security. Within the framework of an established familiar routine, it can be safe to vary the plan when necessary – if ICE vehicles are blocking the usual route to school, parents can say, “Oh, today our plan is to go to school by Elm Street – that’s another way I know to get there. I’m glad our neighbors let me know to change the plan.”

In the community

All of this brings us to the importance of what is available outside the house – your family, friends, neighborhood and school community, civic groups, religious institutions, advocacy and legal organizations. Parents cannot expect themselves to carry the burden of fear, uncertainty, and unpredictability alone. Just as your children need your support, you need the 360-degree help of your local world. With the help of family and friends, you can make a contingency plan for your children’s care if needed. Then tell your children that they will always be provided for: “Auntie will come and take you to her house while the grown-ups figure out the next steps. She will take your blanket and teddy there so you’ll have what you’re used to, and you will be safe. And she will tell you where I am.” Children are aware of the current dangers, so you won’t be scaring them. Instead, this knowledge will reassure them.

Next steps

If a child, teenager, or young adult shows distress lasting over time, struggling for 3-4 months after the crisis is over to recover stable functioning, parents can reach out to professionals. Pediatricians, nurses, therapists, and psychoanalysts can help you assess the best way to support your child. This website (apsa.org) can help you find an analyst or a psychodynamic psychotherapist. There are resources accessible through the Child Witness to Violence Project, with excellent guidance for parents. The Child Trauma and Resilience Network brings together expertise from across the country.

Over time, it will be important to tell the story of these days. Mastering traumatic experiences includes developing and sharing a coherent account of what happened, how we felt, what we did, who helped, who made it hard, and how we have arrived at a new time and place.

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Kerry Kelly Novick is a life-cycle psychoanalyst teaching nationally and internationally. A founder of Allen Creek Preschool, she is past President of the Association for Child Psychoanalysis, a Board Director for APSA, and past Chair of the IPA Committee on Child and Adolescent Psychoanalysis. Author of many papers and book chapters, her six books written with Jack Novick, including “Freedom To Choose: Two Systems of Self-Regulation” (2016), have been translated into eight languages. They also edited “Parent Work Casebook” (2020) and “Adolescent Casebook” (2022).